Time Once Again For, ‘The What If’ Game
by Don Nash
What if G. Bush had graduated from college? I mean a real “accredited� college and not one of those diploma mills that cranked out Monica Goodling. No, Yale doesn’t count as an “accredited� college or university. Yale gave America John Kerry AND G. Bush and that has ‘discredited’ written all over it. University of Colorado at Boulder doesn’t count as “accredited� either and old ‘browny’ Brown took care of that.
What if Robert McNamara and Henry Kissinger had been made to stand trial at the International Criminal Court at the Hague for “crimes against humanity?� Did you know that McNamara’s middle name is ‘Strange’? Yikes, that makes McNamara the almost original Dr. Strange. Oh that is creepy! Check the old Google thing and you’ll see.
What if Arnold Schwarzenegger wasn’t a freaking cyborg? What if he is? That would explain Maria. What if a number of influential Jewish Americans weren’t so head up about Israel? Would that put America back in the top slot or still leave America in second place to Israel? What if AIPAC weren’t spying on America? What if the FBI actually “investigated� that Israeli spying?
What if the U.S. government told the TRUTH about that nasty September 11, 2001 horror? What if it “wasn’t� that al-Qaeda business on 9/11/01? I mean, the government really hasn’t owned up to what actually happened and whom is “actually� responsible. No, the whiz-bang High Commission for 9/11 Investigations doesn’t count. What IF the High Commission hadn’t glossed over so many of the relevant “facts?� What if? What if it wasn’t those al-Qaeda nasties and it was the Israeli Mossad behind 9/11/01? What if? Would I. ‘Scooter’ Libby get his thong all in a wad if the truth were made known? What if the ADL ‘could’ handle the truth? What if it isn’t ‘anti-Semitic’ to criticize Israel?
What if Bill O’Really has a stroke while on the air in the middle of one of his bombastic tirades? What if no one calls 911? What if no one actually cares? Mrs. O’Really doesn’t count, she’s prejudiced. What if Gloria Borger were to actually get up off of her knees and do some serious journalism? What if she didn’t accept the ‘payola’ she gets shilling for the Bush administration? What if Gwen Ifill stopped worrying about how she’ll make her next house payment and actually reported some real news? What if Jim Lehrer doesn’t care if Ms. Ifill makes her next house payment of not?
What if Gov. Arnold is having an affair with Gloria Borger? What if Sen. Ted Stevens goes to jail? What if Alaskans dare to dream? What if the ‘bridge to nowhere’ doesn’t get built? What if David Brancaccio of PBS’s Now, is secretly working for Frank Luntz? What if there are no “conspiracy theories� right or left? What if the truth is out there but, you’ll have to find it by yourself? What if Mulder and Scully were gay?
What if those Iraq Weapons of Mass Destruction were up G. Bush’s ass? Would that make G. Bush a “terrorist threat?� What if Iran really did want to “negotiate� with the United States? What if Hillary Clinton weren’t so “power hungry?� What if the Democratic Party had some cajones? What if the Republicans hadn’t become so fascist? What if the Puritangelical Christians hadn’t been deceived by the Bush anti-Christ? What if John Hagee is the Beast? What if the “terrorists� don’t get those “seventy virgins� that Daniel Pipes is always so worked up about? What if Daniel Pipes and Michelle Malkin are having an affair? Oh icky! What if Daniel Pipes isn’t a “doctor� like he claims to be? What if America’s colleges and universities have turned into diploma mills like that goofy-assed college that cranked out Monica Goodling? What if America were to wake up? What if we’re right back where we started?