A Magical Misery Tour
by Don Nash
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times. We don’t need to add additional injury to the piles of preexisting misery we’ll be visiting today. Please don’t feed the warmongers and let’s not tap on the glass.
First stop will be hurricane ravaged New Orleans. The tour focuses on New Orleans as, New Orleans has had significant trouble securing the necessary attention and accompanying funds that were previously promised by the U.S. Congress. Hey Sen. Josef Lieberman, where’s the cash? Gosh, we remember you said, “New Orleans will get help.� Most of the Gulf Coast has had at least some attention. Golly, the plight of New Orleans wouldn’t be about the color of a person’s skin would it? Nah, that couldn’t be it. Don Imus didn’t say squat about New Orleans. According to the Brookings Institute, “New Orleans may have turned a corner with the unveiling of it’s 1.1 billion dollar recovery plan that EMPHASIZES the redevelopment of TARGETED COMMERCIAL CORRIDORS to attract private investment. Meanwhile, indicators suggest that the rebuilding of New Orleans’ essential infrastructure is basically STALLED as federal recovery dollars remain mired in red tape.� Misery does love that ‘targeted commercial corridors’ thingy as company.
Next stop for our tour would be the Bronx, New York. Black Americans living in the Bronx are targeted by the German Army for training purposes. German soldiers are prompted to imagine they’re in the Bronx and being confronted by angry Bronx blacks. The German soldiers are told that “three African-Americans get out of a van and insult your (the German soldiers) mother in the worst ways.â€? That would of course be the classic American insult, “your mama!â€? Misery does love that ‘Shaft’ company. Hey Sen. Josef, didn’t America beat Germany to end W.W.II? Hey Rev. ‘jump-on’ Jackson, how’s that sit wit you? Nazi swine (the German army guys, not the Rev. ‘jump-on’)! The Germans must have be listening to Imus.
Speaking of Sen. Josef Lieberman, next stop on the misery tour would be the Gulag Gaza and Auschwitz the West Bank. Nothing says world class misery like a little Israeli apartheid as currently practiced by the Israeli government on the long suffering Palestinian people. Gosh, I wonder how the Palestinians are coping with their forced starvation by Israel? How many Palestinian children were gunned down by the IDF last week? How many Palestinian homes were destroyed and how much of their land was stolen? Sen. Josef Lieberman thinks those Israelis are just ever so cute. Why of course they are.
Okay, now a quick whirlwind shuffle through Africa. We’ve got Darfur, Somalia where the Ethiopians are killing Muslims at the behest of the good old U.S. of A., the Congo, Uganda, and the oil-wars on the Nigerians. We shouldn’t forget the genocide that planted Rwanda squarely on the geo-political map. Now very quickly, we’ll buzz the Balkans and watch how the Serbs take to cover. It’s that annoying Doppler effect from incoming jets. On to Sri Lanka and hardly any misery there so, this will be just a pit stop.
The last leg of the Magical Misery Tour will be the Sunni/Shia heartland known lovingly as Iraq. Why just last Saturday and that would be April 14, 2007, 289 innocent Iraqi men, women, and children were butchered, slaughtered, killed in the collateral, and about 345 were just merely injured. Injured as simply opposed to being killed outright in Iraq is a blessing? Hmmm, must be. Just listen to the latest ravings of George ‘genocidal’ Bush. Democracy is after all, pretty darn messy. Right. Take a look around just about any darn corner of our sorely tested world and the magic of misery is standing there, staring you right between the eyes. This is all the fault of Don Imus. No wonder he got fired.